Spin City

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The Episode of Spin City - Back to the Future IV: Judgement day first aired on Febraury 23, 1999 and had Christopher Lloyd and Michael J. Fox side-by-side in an episode that had Lloyd playing Mike's old mentor Owen Kingston and apparently he claims to be God. Paul is given the responsibility of taking care of Carter's Dog Rags, and he accidentaly kills him with a paperweight. And Stacey's aunt is visiting and wants James to teach her about sex. Regis Philbin stars as the voice of Rags.

Carter: Morning Mike.

Michael: Hey the new Star Wars creatures are out.

Carter: Rags hasn't been feeling well lately and uh, and I can't exactly leave him home alone so I thought...

Michael: Say no more, Say no more, I knew this day would come. What does that sign say?

Carter: Mike, he's not suicidal.

Michael: Cater last time he was here he tried to hump the paper shredder.

Carter: So that's it? Well, you're way off base on this Mike. Rags is as happy today as he was 23 years ago.

Michael: Really? Now that had to hurt.

Stacey: This was so great Aunt Marie thanks for visiting.

Marie: Oh, I had a great time Stace, I really did. Ah, and look, than to do list you made me, I checked off every one.

Stuart: You know Marie, the whole time you were here you completely ignored me.

Marie: Check. Listen I got to catch a plane. Nice meeting you all.

Stuart: What was that?!

James: What?

Stuart: That look between you, I know that look. Thats a dirty look.

James: Stuart, I dont even know what a dirty look is.

Stuart: Let me show you.

James: Uhh, thats so seedy.

Stuart: I haven't even done it yet.

Michael: Hey, is Owen here yet?

Stacey: For the millionth time, No. I will buzz you when he gets here. Jeez Ive never seen you so excited. You're like a little girl the morning her brother gets out of jail for beating up a cop. Well of course Miss Morning.

Michael: I'm a little nervous thats all. This guy, you know Owen was my mentor. He taught me everything I know about politics, how to campaign, how to manipulate the press. Most
importantly how to motivate people, so when he gets here I want you guys to all you know, uh, do stuff.

Owen: Michael Flaherty!!!

Michael: Owen Kingston! Oh look at you, I tell you this is uh, this is like stepping back in time.

Owen: The past is prolonged Michael, Men like us have to keep looking to the Future.

Michael: What the hell are you talking about?

Owen: I dont know.



Owen: When I first hired Michael he was an intern, he used to sneak into the office early and play senator. I tried to fire him but by that time he had already passed some significant legislation.

Michael: Wouldnt call it significant, uh right on red, that was me.

Stacey: Donuts are here.

Owen: Wait, wait, wait, first let us give thanks.

Michael: Yeah, hey Stace thanks a lot, I get the twisty thing.

Owen: I meant with Prayer. Michael.

Michael: Uh, Stacey why dont you do it?

Stacey: Hell No.

James: I'll go, Oh Lord bless this bounty and let us revel in you glory for we are but retched sinners who are not worthy of your divine benevolence.

Owen: Relax kid, they're just donuts.

Carter: Paul, thanks for hiding Rags in here, I really appreciate it.

Paul: Carter please were friends; your money is thanks enough.

Carter: OK, these are his pill for itching, wheezing and diarrhea. This is his anti-fungal cream; rub this on his tummy twice a day, he likes a circular motion, not up and down or he'll vomit. This ointment reduces flatulence, you dip your finger in here lightly, like so and run it gently on his rectum.

Paul: I'm gonna need more money.



Janelle: So I'll take a separate car and meet you at the mansion for dinner?

Randall: Excellent, and Janelle since weve started dating I know our lives have become full of secret plans and furtive meeting and mysterious code names.

Janelle: Yeah I know, it can be a little awkward.

Randall: Well, I was going to say its pretty cool. I feel like a spy.

Janelle: Well, I'll see you tonight Randall.

Randall: Oh, you can call me Double-O Sexy.

Michael: Sir you remember Owen Kingston?

Randall: Of course! Well, I understand you're heading up our millennium project.

Owen: Mr. Mayor it is a great honor.

Randall: Good to see Mike again huh?

Owen: Oh yeah, I feel I did a good job on this one.

Randall: Really? You did? Interesting, you know something Mike told me personally was one of my proudest moments and I quote - I could have learned to crawl through the world of politics.

Owen and Randall: But you were the one who taught me how to walk like a man!

Michael: Who would have though that was going to come back and bite me on the ass?

Janelle: Sir, Councilman Dunn would like to have a word with you.

Michael: Uh, I'll handle that sir.

Randall: So I here you've been outta the game for a while. Are you sure you're still as sharp as Mike says?

Owen: How long have you been dating your secretary?

Randall: About a week



Marie: James, I think this place is really adorable.

James: (Laughing)

Marie: Whats so funny?

James: Theres a woman on my bed.

Marie: Look James I don't want to make you nervous or anything, even though I've dated a lot of men, I've never slept with one. I mean, I dont know maybe its because I've waited my whole life for the right guy.

James: So, I'm the right guy?

Marie: No, I'm just really sick of waiting. Teach me everything James. I mean, I don't even know how long sex is supposed to take.

James: Well, with your average guy it can last about six or seven minutes, but me, I can have you out of here in half that time. Uh, phone!

Marie: Won't the machine answer that?

James: Machine? Who am I George Jetson? Machine! Marie.

Marie: Remember James, I've just left town, no one knows I'm here.

James: Dont worry, I'll be cool. Hello?

Stuart: James, its Stuart. Hey, let me speak to Stacey's Aunt.

James: Sure. Its for you.

Stuart: I KNEW IT!

Carter: So, your friend Owen seems, uh, I don't know [Whistles indicating Owen is Crazy], A little out there.

Michael: Carter, thats just a first impression. When you first me you thought I was a control freak who wanted to surround himself with Yes men. Am I Right?

Carter: Yes Mike. Don't you think Owen seems a little, I dont know [Imitating Owen] Overly Religious?

Michael: He found religion, so what? I hope to find religion myself one day, you know when I'm older lookin to cut a deal.

Owen: Hey, Mike.

Michael: That Normal guy getting a glass of water.

Owen: Hey Carter.

Carter: Owen.

Owen: Oooh. The dark one. Evil, Evil.

Paul: Yes, you like this don't you? Yes you do. Yeah, well I happen to be an expert at this because Claudia gets a tummy rub every Tuesday. Yeah, All right thats about all kiddo. There ya go. There you are, you just stay right there Rags, alright?



Michael: Great Job Owen, those committee members loved you.

Owen: Ahh. It was an old management trick. The easiest way to bond a group it too pick an
outsider and tease them and give them a goofy nickname. Thanks for being a good sport snack
pack.

Michael: You know I've been going over this Millennium project proposal, there's some great stuff in here but I do think you should tone down the, uh, Armageddon, End of Days retrick.

Owen: No need to worry Michael. I have some good news. I'm the Messiah.

Michael: That's a good joke thats great, you start with that and keep em' light.

Owen: No Michael, I'm serious. The Chosen One, the King of Kings, the Alpha and the Omega. You're looking at...Him.

Michael: Well that is good news.




Michael: Look Owen if this is some kind of joke, let me just say, uh, good one, I get it thats uh Ha!

Owen: I'm as shocked as you are, believe me, this is a big responsibility. I mean, look at this.

Michael: Things to do: Banish Satan and the Forces of Evil, Build a New Jerusalem, Buy Milk.

Owen: Milk! I keep forgetting to pick up milk.

Michael: Owen, you can't be serious.

Owen: Look Michael. I know I'm supposed to be able to do this all by myself being the Son of God and all, but I'm feeling a lot of pressure so I was thinking maybe you could help me?

Michael: What you want me to help you what, Banish Satan and establish Gods kingdom on Earth.

Owen: If you're not too busy.

Michael: Do you have any idea the position you put me in? This is an important project, I vouched for you. I put myself on the line with the Mayor for you.

Mayor: Oh, Owen if the press decides to publicly criticize this millennium program, how do you think I should respond?

Owen: Though Shalt Smite Those Who Defy Your Will!! From The Soles Of You Feet To The Crowns Of Their Heads.

Michael: He says Go Negative.

Mayor: So you think we'll be okay?

Owen: Absolutely.

Mayor: Thank God!

Owen: Dont mention it.



Paul: I cant believe I'm giving mouth-to-mouth to a dog. Oh God! Oh God, what do they do in the movies? Don't die one me, don't you die on me! Yeah?

Carter: Paul open up, I brought Rags a special treat. Does Wags want a little cookie-wookie?

Paul: Uh, just a second. Okay come in but give the door a good shove, because it sticks. Ahh! Oh no! You hit Rags in the head with the door and you killed him.

Carter: Oh No. Is he okay?

Paul: No! He's definitely dead!

Carter: Dont you die on me, dont you die on me!

Paul: Ah, that doesnt work.

Nikki: So he said he's God? Remember last night on my kitchen counter? You said you were God.

Michael: No, I said I was like a God and, uh, you agreed 4 times.

Nikki: You'll figure something out.

Owen: I'm sorry am I interrupting?

Michael: Oh us? No she's a lesbian.

Owen: After all I taught you, sleeping with a member of your staff.

Michael: Shouldn't you be giving me this advice on stone tablets?

Owen: I knew it, I knew this would happen, you tell people youre the son of God and suddenly you're pigeon hole.

Michael: Owen, I don't want to have to do this but I'm gonna have to take you off the millennium project its just too high profile.

Owen: You're firing me?

Michael: Yeah.

Owen: Wow, you've really grown some teeth. Michael, I can do this its still a part of who I am, believe in me please.

Michael: I would like to but

Owen: There was a time when you wanted me to believe in you and I did.

Michael: Alright, you stick to politics, no more preaching.

Owen: Okay.

Michael: Promise?

Owen: I Swear to me.



James: Alright Stuart since you know whats going on I might as well get your advice. How many women have you slept with?

Stuart: Roughly..

James: I dont care how you did you sicko. Marie wants me to teach her about sex, me!

Stuart: No Problem, I know exactly what to do. Hey Stacey, our little James has a new girlfriend.

Stacey: Oh really? So you broke up with your mom?

Stuart: Hey, he's under a lot of pressure. This woman is looking for someone to satisfy her - sexually.

Stacey: Just have her call this guy.

Stuart: Be nice.

Stacey: Rent the movie Nine and a Half Weeks.

Stuart: Shes right James; you watch that movie you're guaranteed to get some.

James: Cool, Some what?



Michael: Mr. Mayor.

Mayor: Oh, how's it going Snack Pack?

Michael: Well, I'm on my way you the millennium conference sir, you care to join me?

Mayor: Yeah great, you know I like Owen a lot, but I'm a little concerned about his constant invoking of..

Michael: God, sir?

Mayor: Thats it. You know I'm okay with the occasional reference to G-dash-D, but in this context--

Michael: Sir, I've talked to Owen. He's assured me hes not going to turn this into some religious spectacle. Why does this look familiar?



Carter: I just feel so guilty.

Paul: Hey Carter look maybe it was just his time. You know if you didn't hit him with the door someone could have, I didn't know, drop a paperweight on his head.

Nikki: Paul, be a little sensitive.

Stacey: Really the mans dog just died, dead, gone forever dead dead dead.

Carter: He just had so much living left to do.

Stuart: No he didn't.

Carter: His real name was Reginald R. Ragamuffin the Third. He was the only dog on the block that could say his own initials - RRR. So many years, so many memories.

Stuart: I can't believe you killed your own dog.

Paul, Hey cut it out! It was an accident alright? And he's not going to hell. He's not! He's not!!!



Michael: Well, here's the Winston administration blazing a path into the new millennium.

Owen: Whoa, to the infidels, who will burn in a fiery hell!

Michael: Well it was nice working with you.

James: Okay, this is a little something from Nine and a Half Weeks, I call it the striptease. Oh No!

Marie: What?

James: No, I went out to get the soundtrack from Nine and a Half Weeks but I accidentally got Nine and a Half Weeks to learn the banjo.

Marie: James we really don't need to..

Stacey: Alright, you-me we're getting out of here, and you you're dead tomorrow.

James: Uh, Stacey how did you know?

Stuart: Howdy partner! Hey Turn that up.



Michael: You know Owen

Owen: Actually, Michael I'm going to take myself off this millennium project

Michael: Well, hey I understand you got a lot goin on, probably haven't even banished Satan.

Owen: Nope.

Michael: Or bought milk.

Owen: Ah! Damn.

Michael: Sorry it didn't work out.

Owen: Dont be. I don't care about the job. Thats not why I came here.

Michael: Why did you come here?

Owen: I came here to see you, I've missed you Michael. Michael, what was it I used to say was the #1 rule of leading an effective campaign staff?

Michael: Don't think you know all the answers.

Owen: Don't think you know all the answers.




Carter: Poor Rags.

Owen: Good Dog.

Carter: He's Alive! It's a miracle oh my god.

Rags: Oh man, I just can't catch a break.



Paul: I'm such a horrible horrible person, yeah come in. Carter! Carter, he's alive, you didn't kill him. Oh I'm so happy for you.

Carter: You are such a good friend.

Paul: Oh Carter o...Ow! He bit me, I did it once I'll do it again!

Carter: What?

Paul: Ooh um, it's a game we play fetch. I should use a stick.



Moo.